Eleven for 2011

2011 began with a series of posts by some friends of mine commenting on the lessons they each learned in 2010. If you were like me, you found each post insightful and extremely helpful. For most of them, through ups and downs, 2010 was a great year. I hope it was for you as well.

As we turn our attention to 2011, I’d like to offer up a few suggestions. My friends took the time to discuss what did happen and now I’d like to talk about what could happen. In the spirit of the Ten from 2010 series, I’d like to give you Eleven for 2011. It’s pretty simple. I’ve compiled a checklist of things we should all try to do this year. I’m not saying it is a perfect eleven. But it is a good place to start.

11. Reread a book you read when you were younger

If I remember correctly, the point of the Curious Case of Benjamin Button is that youth, and the freedom and energy that come with it, is wasted on the young. If that’s the case, I think the same can be said for most of the reading I was required to do in high school.

Am I really supposed to understand the racial implications in To Kill a Mockingbird as a 14 year old? I have no idea what Jane Eyre is about because I read it when I was 15! Don’t even get me started on 1984. I don’t remember much. There was something about Big Brother. Was it two minutes or three minutes of hate? Who knows? And c’mon people, when you are 15, Animal Farm is just about animals and The Old Man and the Sea is just boring.

Here’s your assignment. This year, pick up one of the books you read years ago. Reading is all about the presuppositions and life experiences you bring to the words on the page, right? If that is the case, how much richer could one of these old classics be now? And to make it even more fulfilling, this time you won’t have to write an essay.

10. Become a connoisseur

My friend Allen has a love for this one specific brand of chocolate. The problem is that it isn’t available in the States. You can only find it off the coast of Spain during the rainy season or some crap like that. You’d think this would frustrate him. Nah. Its difficulty to find only makes each bite more delectable.

I have friends that will not drink anything from Starbucks. Real coffee, they claim, only comes from a certain type of shade grown, fair-trade bean. According to them, you should only drink coffee within ten days of roasting. Anything else abuses the taste buds as much as it does the bean farmers.

Usually these people are annoying. Coffee is coffee to me. And I’m just as happy with a handful of M&M’s as Allen is with his mystical candy. By the way, he’ll only eat a square inch at a time. I mean really… just eat the whole candy bar before I punch you in the face.

I’m tempted to be violent only 90% of the time. But the other 10%, I really respect these people. I love their devotion to something that seems so unimportant. So, this year I am going to copy their love for the finer things in life. I’m going to become a connoisseur.

I’m not sure of what. Maybe wine. Maybe I’ll find an obscure beer that can only be found on the coast of Oregon during Oktoberfest. 1930’s jazz… French films… Cigars. When you look at it this way, the opportunities to look down on people whose tastes are not as refined as my own are endless.

9. Memorize something weird

My wife knows the list of the United States in alphabetical order. She sings the song when she can’t sleep at night. It starts with, “Alabama, Alaska, Arizona…” and runs all the way to Wyoming. In a ironic twist of fate, this song usually prevents me from sleeping too.

Insomnia aside, it is a great party trick and always impressive. With this in mind, let’s make this the year that we all memorize something weird. I’m going to attempt all the presidents in order. You should memorize an old school rap song. Just think about how interested people will be in your new skill!

8. Call your mom

As I type this, I am texting back and forth with my mom. We do this quite often. In fact, we hardly ever talk on the phone anymore. I appreciate the convenience of texting but know that I am cheating someone when the only attention I give her comes in short textual bursts. This year, we should all talk (and listen) a little more.

7. Grow up

My plan? Become a father. You’re on your own. Good luck with that.

6. Just do it

We all have that one thing to which we say, “Someday I’m going to…” Stop just saying it. This year, complete the sentence. Then do it.

5. Establish Facebook etiquette

A few rules. No more public rants about who pissed you off. It’s tacky. Also, there are conversations that are just between a husband and wife. Keep that stuff in the bedroom and not on your Facebook wall. One last thing, please don’t post pictures of your newborn baby taken the moment he comes out of the birth canal. We’re all very excited for you. But I don’t care how much he looks like his mom if he is still covered in birth juice. Wipe the kid off first.

4. Grow a mustache

Don’t reject this suggestion at first glance. Let me explain. If you notice, facial hair trends rotate on a 25-year cycle. In this order, the trend always evolves from beards to mustaches to sideburns to goatees and then starts over again. Here’s the proof.

Think back 25 years ago. Every picture of my dad had him sporting a finely combed mustache. He wasn’t alone. Your dad had one too. Then the early 90’s came along and shows like 90210 brought about the unfortunate sideburn era. Vanilla Ice took it to the next level and shaved lines into his burns. A few years later, steroid enhanced athletes like Mark McGuire and WWF wrestlers ushered in the goatee fad of the late 90’s.

Beards have been popular amongst the coffee drinking, Chaco wearing, white male crowd and have dominated the turn of the century landscape. This means only one thing. We are nearing the end of the current cycle. The year of the mustache is upon us.

Here’s how it will go down. Around March, you’ll return from your ski trip with a week’s worth of facial scruff. You’ll grow out your Tom Brady beard for a couple of weeks and then, as a joke of course, shave it off into a righteous ‘stache. Your friends will laugh. Your ladyfriend will hate it. To both you’ll say, “Hey, I’m not really serious. It’s a joke! I’ll shave it off Monday.”

But you’ll wake up late Monday and go to work/class and introduce the world to your new lip-tickler. People will mention it those first few days but slowly, over the period of about a week, your ironic fashion statement will evolve into a legit mustache. Then you are stuck with it. And there isn’t anything you can do to stop it.

My point? This year, don’t fight it. Hide your kids. Hide your wife. Embrace the mustache.

3. Floss

Let me preface this suggestion by reminding you that I have never had a cavity. My dental record is clean. However, twice a year I go to get my teeth cleaned and twice a year the spunky hygienist encourages me to floss better.

Spunky Hygienist: You really should floss better.

Me: Rawablahjijagawgawgaw

I agree that this is a good suggestion and leave the office committed to flossing daily. My problem comes with follow through.

It’s a little like church camp if you think about it. You leave with a spiritual high, with every good intention in the world. You’re going to read your Bible every day and stop touching your girlfriend’s boobs. But, one thing leads to another and the pledge fades. You don’t read your bible every day and um… you, eh, you know… as well.

Flash forward to adulthood. You promise your dentist you will floss every day but you can’t follow through with that either.

Not anymore. This is the year we all finally get it right. Put the floss out by the bathroom sink if you have to. Flossing is crucial for healthy teeth and gums. Stick to it.

2. Know what you believe

Are you a Calvinist? Why? Are you a right-winged Republican who thinks that Obama was born in Africa? Explain yourself. Do the Jets have the best chance of winning the Super Bowl? Give me the stats to prove it.

The point is, know your beliefs. Everyone has an opinion. Few can back it up. You don’t have to be right, but you do have to be able to explain yourself. I don’t know who said it but I agree with them. “Sometimes right. Sometimes wrong. Always certain.”

1. Write more

Just take ten minutes a day and write something. Use a moleskin notebook. Use a laptop. Start a blog. Write letters to your wife or to no one at all. It doesn’t matter. Just write for ten minutes non-stop.

It doesn’t have to be good. It doesn’t even have to be grammatically correct. That are not important. Good writing is just paying attention and then having the guts to tell the truth. So write about politics or religion. Make up stories. Give your opinion about television or high school football. Don’t think too hard about it. Just write.

Then see what happens.

Ten from 2010: Amy Finch

I have made a note to always stay on Amy's good side. It's not that she's all that vicious or intimidating. I could probably take her in a fistfight. She doesn't have a mean bone in her body. That's not the problem. I need to stay in her good graces because she knows too much.

Amy and her husband have been a constant encouragement to Torrie and I. Our conversations are rich and meaningful. We allow them to speak into our lives, call our bluff and laugh at us when we deserve it. She's an example of the type of friend that makes life worthwhile, and at times bearable. Bottom line, they know us. And trust me, she loves her family well. We're just honored to claim to be an extension of it.

You can keep up with Amy's thoughts on her blog and follower her on twitter. - Eric

10. The human brain is a remarkable thing.

Just observe a four year old learn to read. Or add and subtract. It's nuts. Every time he picks up a book and starts speaking the (right) words out loud it blows my mind. Maybe it’s because it seems like he just stopped pooping in his pants. Or it’s because I can vividly remember breastfeeding him. Either way, to me, it's just one of the coolest things ever.

9. I have a lot to learn about true forgiveness.

Before 2010 if you had asked me if I was a forgiving person I probably would have responded with an enthusiastic “yes.” Well guess what? I figured out this year, after experiencing something that really challenged my "forgiving abilities", that forgiveness is something I'm really going to have to work on. I learned what it means to truly forgive as Christ calls us to. And I’m still learning. I've had to cry out to God for his grace in this because my flesh alone is not able to do the kind of forgiving that is required of me as a Christ-follower.

8. Conceiving, carrying, birthing and rearing 2 healthy children is even more miraculous to me this year in particular. I learned how fragile life can be and how quickly it can be taken away.

I got to spend 4 precious weeks dreaming about our 3rd child's little life. About whether we would have a little girl or boy. What he would look like? What would his temperament be like? How would he fit in with our other children? Then we spent 3 weeks waiting and wondering and praying and crying. In one day, at 11 weeks pregnant, I lost him and had to let go of all those dreams. I had to trust that God was in control, has a perfect plan for our family and will lovingly keep our beloved 3rd child. Despite it all, I can rejoice that one day we will get to meet in heaven.

7. The second thing I learned through the miscarriage was a little about grieving.

I learned that a person's grief is deeply personal and unique. Life goes on all around you even when things internally seem to be standing still. I learned that it does get better but that it is really helpful to say goodbye.

6. I learned the importance of investing in friendships.

Really good friends are rare and if we don't take the time to invest in those relationships, we are just being lazy and really missing out. For a long time I have been lazy about my friendships. Last year, I don't know what I would have done without some of the women in my life. They have loved me and supported me. I am determined to not be lazy with my friendships in 2011 and hopefully be as good a friend to them as they have been to me.

5. I learned how to have more compassion for my kids.

When they are acting out and being difficult I have learned to consider all the variables (Are they hungry? Do they need a nap? Are they sick? Are they bored?) It really helps to guide discipline and keep me calm in the midst of chaos. If I can understand better where they are coming from, I can do a better job at correcting the behavior and also hopefully prevent it from happening in the future. Applying these things to other relationships has the same effect. I can have a lot more compassion for someone (and mercy) if I consider what may be affecting their attitude or behavior, instead of immediately getting angry or hurt.

4. I really love Jesus.

This might sound weird because I've been a Christian for about 10 years now. It's that this year I realized in a deeper way how much I love my Savior and am so thankful that He died and rose again, for me.

3. I Love sushi

I went to eat sushi with my hip cousins and aunt last summer. This was my first experience and they helped guide me through it. Now Allen and I eat it every chance we get!

2. Thirty is not old.

It’s not. Period.

1. Marriage can get so much better and richer and more intimate with time.

Even with all the hard things that have happened in our lives, this has been one of the best years of our marriage. We celebrated 7 years on December 27th and I have to say that every year, as we continue to learn to love and serve each other, has gotten better and better.

Ten from 2010: Caitlin Greer

Few people I know are as diversely talented as Caitlin. Artistic. Funny. Bold. Heart of gold. The list goes on. She carries a solid resume on her own but to top it off she picked a good husband too. How can I describe how awesome this couple is? It’s kind of like if Cliff Huxtable and Emily Dickinson had a baby. And then Megatron and Oprah had a baby. And then those babies grew up and got married… on the top of Mount Rushmore… and the wedding was performed by a German-speaking centaur that looked a little like Craig T. Nelson. They are almost that awesome. Seriously, this is a couple that you look at and think, “these people really could change the world.”

That’s not just a hypothetical either. Changing the world really is their plan. Caitlin and Jay are currently living in Japan working with one of my favorite organizations. The goal is simple. Plant churches in some of the largest cities in the world. Is this an ambitious undertaking? Yes. Is it all part of the plan? Of course.

You can read more of Caitlin’s Japanese adventures on her blog. Or more importantly, go here to learn how you can support the ministry of MSGF. You probably ought to do both. – Eric

10. I learned that God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine.

This year, my husband and I, along with 8 other Americans, planted a church in Japan. In 2008 and 2009, there was no church; we were all just living here trying to learn Japanese, which is the most difficult language for a native-English speaker to learn. Overwhelmed by culture fatigue, it was really difficult to imagine a church being established. But a year ago, we held our first service at Mustard Seed Christian Church in Nagoya, Japan. And in 2010, God has done immeasurably more than all we asked or imagined. Seven people were baptized, the church grew steadily, and hundreds were exposed to the gospel for the first time.

9. I learned how to make Japanese food from a dog.

Watch it. For real. And if you have further questions about the recipe, let me know.

8. I learned that parenting is really fun.

My son makes me laugh really hard. He’s the most enthusiastic jumper I’ve ever seen, even though he can’t yet get both feet off the ground at the same time. This year I watched him morph from a little slug that could barely crawl into an energetic toddler who can dance, throw a ball and bite other people’s children.

7. I learned that parenting is unpredictable.

Nothing in my life has made me need to trust God more than parenting. I try hard to keep my toddler out of harm’s way. Recently I broke a glass jar on the floor while cleaning my house. I wrapped my son in his Tibetan Rucksack to keep him from getting cut while I cleaned up the glass. Soon after I got the vacuum out, he started wailing. After taking him out of his fabric prison, I saw that he was grabbing his hand. Three of his little fingers had already developed blisters. Without me realizing, he had grabbed a light bulb on a lamp while I vacuumed around it. Good move, Caitlin. I learned that no matter how hard I try, I’ll never be able to fully protect my children from suffering. I’m going to do my best to bandage blistered fingers, but the truth is that he is in God’s hands. And those hands are better than mine.

6. I learned how to play the bass.

Well, I learned if teaching myself out of necessity is considered “learning.” This fall I became the temporary bassist for our church band. In high school I fantasized about being a bassist in a rock band and so after expressing interest to my parents, they gave me a bass for Christmas. I learned the bass line for a Simple Plan song and that’s about as far as it went. So with higher stakes, I actually learned how to play the bass. My Dashboard Confessional t-shirt may have wound up at Goodwill, my cartilage piercings just might have gotten infected and closed up, but the bassist within me lives on.

5. I learned that the harvest is ready, yet it can sometimes go unnoticed.

A girl had been coming to the Bible study meeting at my house for only a few weeks. She had been exposed to Christian teaching over the span of several years because she attended a Catholic private school, but she wanted to learn more. Once the discussion time ended and people began snacking on crab chips and rice crackers, she pulled me aside and asked me questions about salvation and baptism. She said she wanted to be a Christian but she wasn’t sure if she deserved to be baptized. After answering her questions and telling her that God deeply desired for her to be baptized, we told her that she should take her time and let us know the next week at Bible study if she was ready to be baptized. “I know you said that I should wait a week, but I feel like I’m ready. Would it be okay if I got baptized now?” she reluctantly asked several minutes later. I felt so foolish for not seeing that God had been preparing her for that moment in time – especially because I’d often prayed that God would prepare hearts and make ready the harvest. So, I made a dash to the storage closet for my bucket of cleaning supplies and did a speed-clean of our bathtub. We baptized her at 11:30 that night.

4. I learned how to be a city dweller.

I spent most of my life residing in American cities with a population of less than 50,000. Now I live in a Japanese city of 9,000,000. It definitely took time to figure out how city life works, but I think that at some point during 2010, this lifestyle became normal to me. When family from the USA visited us recently, they kept remarking about how crazy it was that I walked or took the train everywhere. I realized that at some point those actions got moved from the “crazy” category into the “don’t ever think about it anymore because it’s like breathing” category.

3. I learned the “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.”

Of the books I read this year, this one gets a resounding “booya.” You’ve probably already read it. If you haven’t, you should.

2. I learned that TV isn’t that cool.

So earlier this year, I was watching quite a lot of TV. There was the final season of Lost, of course. We’d watch the Office, 30 Rock, occasionally Glee, a little Letterman here and there, and the ever so often one of the Karaoke competitions/other ridiculous high-sensory Japanese shows. But recently, I have majorly reduced my TV intake and my life is better as a result. I have been filling my mind with more edifying material and trying to be proactive about doing things that have eternal impact. Of course, ringing in my ears is that line that my mom always says, “When my life flashes before my eyes, I don’t want to see myself sitting around watching other people’s experiences. I want my own.” My eyes roll when she says that, yes, but I have to admit, she makes a good point.

1. I learned that the only way to be content is if God is my source of joy and fulfillment.

Ten from 2010: Chad Brown

My pregnant wife aside, Chad Brown has been one my favorite creative partners in life. Maybe it was because we shared an office at CIY for a couple of years, maybe it was just chemistry. Whatever it was, working and writing with Chad on a daily basis was a true joy. He made me better at my job.

It seems that all good things must come to an end though. Chad moved to Cincinnati a few months ago. When people ask me how I’m doing, how I’m coping with his move, I tell them that Chad Brown is dead to me. That usually makes them laugh. I may smile in return but deep down, a little piece of me dies inside.

Ha. Just kidding. I love having Chad as a friend much more than as an officemate. I’m glad that will continue no matter what changes might come our way. I couldn’t follow Chad to Ohio but you can follow Chad on twitter. – Eric

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10. I Need to Get My Hands Dirty

For the past decade, I have been involved in various forms of creative arts ministries. I used to travel the country with my pals in a drama/sketch comedy ministry to churches, camps and conferences. A year or so after that ended, I found myself at Christ In Youth, programming events for high school students. Those years were satisfying and so rewarding. I wouldn’t trade my experiences for anything. However, in mid-2009 I began to feel like I was only ministering from backstage. I needed to get my hands dirty. I felt like I was supposed to seek out one-on-one ministry as opposed to ministry to the masses. I felt like God was calling me into professional counseling. This meant I would need to go to grad school. This meant that…

9. Dang It, My GPA Actually WAS Important.

The morning after my college graduation in 2001, I woke up with the thought, “I’m never going back to school again! My GPA means nothing now!” Idiot. Thankfully, in early 2010, I got accepted to the counseling program at Cincinnati Christian University. Once that was squared away, I set my attention on my remaining time with CIY…

8. Never Take Great Friendships For Granted.

There were individuals at Christ In Youth who could practically read my mind. These were (and are) friends that helped me navigate my journey. These were people I could depend on. These were dependable friends who always had my back. Oh, and I also had to share an office with Eric Epperson. When I wasn’t at work, my wife, Rachel, and I were more than likely with our small group from church. I really miss that group. The laughter, support, and prayers still mean a lot to us. It sounds like it jumped straight from a Hallmark card, but I will always cherish those friendships. While I was finishing up my last summer tour with MOVE, my wife and I were apartment hunting. Here’s a good lesson for you to tuck away:

7. If You Live In Southwest Missouri And Look For Apartments in Northern Kentucky, Never Settle Until You Have Actually Seen The Apartment.

Actually, you know what? I’m feeling generous. Here’s a freebie. We’ll call it:

7.B When An Apartment Complex Uses The Word “Luxury” In Their Name…They Are Lying.

After Rachel and I packed up our house and moved to the Cincinnati area, exhausted, we walked into our new home for the next twelve months. There was a little card placed on our counter reading: WHITE GLOVE INSPECTION PERFORMED BY MOLLY. It easily could have read: CURSORY GLANCE AROUND THE ROOM FOLLOWED BY AN “EHH, THAT’S GOOD ENOUGH” SHRUG PERFORMED BY MOLLY.

We were not impressed. Yet, in my cynical state, I learned another lesson…

6. God Really Does Provide.

It was through prayer that we found ourselves uprooting and relocating. It was by God’s grace that we found a home in our meager price range. It was only by His mercy that we found jobs in a time when jobs were scarce. I could spiral down in my cynicism about my wife working night shifts at the hospital, or my forty-five minute drive one-way to sell moderately priced Swedish furniture each day. However, in God’s own gentle way, he made me aware of my cynicism, and pointed out the fact that He provided what we needed and he will provide for each step that lies ahead.

5. My Wife Is Amazing.

She keeps track of our budget. She knows my own work schedule better than I do. She is much more business savvy than I. While I may think I have a heavy load with school and work, she has worked night shifts at the hospital while handling the sale of our house back in Joplin (did I mention she is much more business savvy than I?) I have so much to learn about being a better husband, but for all the areas in which I am lacking…she manages to love me back. This year opened my eyes a little wider to that reality.

4. My Attitude Toward School Is Different.

My years in undergrad were a blast! I made great memories with some amazing friends. However, my academic ambition was pretty low. I enjoyed the social experience much more than the studying, and it showed. This time around, my wife has actually called me “That Student”. You know, the student who can’t go out because he has homework? That was me this fall. I tried to absorb every word on every page. I’m not trying to pat myself on the back…its just that I learned that I really like being back in the academic setting. Telling you that I just found out I got a 4.0 for the semester…THAT is patting myself on the back.

3. Despite What You Have Heard, The World Still Believes In Absolutes

I now work at Starbucks. People have been known to meet there for coffee and deep discussion over spiritual matters. Often these conversations end up with the relativistic spin, “Well, that’s YOUR truth, but it’s not MY truth”. However, that SAME person will walk up to the counter and ask:

Customer: What’s your bold coffee today?

Me: Christmas Blend

Customer: But Christmas Blend isn’t good.

Me: (silence)

2. I Am A Big Fan Of The Amazon Kindle And Netflix For Wii.

No further explanation needed.

1. Living Out The Message I’ve Preached To Students For 10 Years Is Harder Than I Thought.

“GO CHANGE YOUR WORLD!” This is usually the broad gist of most messages sent to high school students at youth group meetings, camps, conventions, etc. I have stood on stage with a microphone and challenged students to forget about barriers, mockery, or insults. This was never very difficult for ME, because afterward I got in the van with my Christian friends and drove back home where I went to work everyday with my other Christian friends.

I guess I’ve come full circle. I need to get my hands dirty. Listening to my Starbucks co-worker explain the details of getting wasted on the party bus the previous night is a bit more intense than my last co-worker sending prank emails from my computer. I may miss those fun times back in Joplin, but I believe God has me here for a reason. My prayer for 2011 is that it might be a year of fruitful growth!

Ten from 2010: Ryan Claborn

If I didn't like Ryan so much, I'd probably hate him. I mean that as a complement, of course. But the truth is, few people that I know are more talented than he is. He's smart, has some serious business savvy, I think he's pretty funny, he's a crazy-fast runner and Cherokee. That's a perfect combo in any book.

The truth is, I have been blessed to work with Ryan for the last six years. When he speaks in a meeting, people listen. Why do they listen? They listen because he is usually right. You gotta respect that. So, when compiling a list of people that I would want to hear from about last year, I knew Ryan was one I wanted to listen to.

You can follow Ryan's thoughts on twitter and read his blog here. - Eric

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10. That I didn’t really know what exhaustion was until I became a dad.

I have put in some late nights and early mornings in college. I have worked some fairly rough weeks at MOVE. I’ve driven through the night two nights in a row in a box truck. I’ve done all sorts of ridiculous physical exertion activities. But frankly I had no idea what sleep deprivation or exhaustion were until we had Drake. Day after day and week after week of very little sleep combined with constant motion and a whole new list of responsibilities that I was initially terrible at (my wife might debate whether I was only initially terrible or continue in my futility) definitely taught me a little more about what it means to truly be exhausted.

9. The importance of listening, asking questions, then speaking with half the intensity I feel.

To say I learned this needs to be qualified. I was reminded of this truth and daily struggle to live up to it. James 1:19-20 comes to mind, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” I came to the realization that I am much more likely to speak first and harshly when I am exceedingly tired. As a friend whose office used to be across the hall from mine can attest, January and February of 2010 were rough.

8. That when you have a child all the character flaws and bad habits that others tolerate or you just keep to yourself suddenly see the light of day.

The enormity of this hit me one day in traffic as I was explaining to another driver (from inside my wife’s car with the windows up) why he was a complete idiot and the state of Missouri should never have issued him a license. There in the rearview mirror smiling at me was the 10-month-old version of myself. I can hear it now, “Daddy, what does spineless wiener mean?” “Daddy, why did you call that man an idiot?” Not good. 2011 will be make or break in terms of me “unlearning” some bad habits.

7. That Dave Ramsey is right when he says you’ll spend less if you spend cash.

I don’t agree with him on everything, but he is right that you will spend less when you spend cash (actual currency). I had long maintained that if you were disciplined and only bought the things you needed/planned to buy then the form of payment did not particularly matter. After switching our discretionary expense items over to cash in 2010 I now see that he was right. We are spending less on those items because we are looking at what is left in the “envelope”.

6. That small changes can make a big difference in your budget.

When we decided that Brittany would not return to work in the fall of 2010 we had to immediately start looking at our spending and figure out where to reduce it fairly significantly (to us). There were some large, easy things that came first. There were some adjustments we could make (to things like the tax withholdings in my paychecks) that helped. There were a few conscious decisions (the call to Dish Network comes to mind) that we still feel occasionally (like when the entire BCS schedule ends up on ESPN). Ultimately, however, over the course of a few months we started finding ways to save a few dollars here and there (in groceries especially) that made a big difference. A couple of dollars a week doesn’t sound huge until you multiply by 52 (okay, that’s still not huge, but it starts to look a little bigger).

5. How blessed I am by the generosity of those around me.

We have been incredibly blessed as a couple (now family). With both of us working good jobs, while we weren’t purchasing any vacation homes we were able to do things we needed to, many of the things we wanted to, and save for the future. We weren’t particularly dependent on anyone. If we needed something we went and bought it. We have been humbled and greatly blessed by the way God has provided for us through the generosity and love of family and friends as we stepped through each new phase Drake entered in the midst of learning to be more frugal than was required in the past.

4. That weddings are a dangerous thing.

I was in one wedding, supported a wife in 2, and attended a couple of others in 2010. Here’s what I learned, you have to be careful as the bride and groom or you’ll end up with less friends after the wedding than you had before. Over the last several years I have watched and listened as a handful of well-meaning couples made being a part of their big day such a royal pain that their relationships with family and friends suffered as a result. A suggestion: It is your big day, but that doesn’t mean you should walk all over the ones you “love”.

3. That letting go can be difficult.

Prior to 2010, I had supervised the MOVE interns for 4 summers. According to Luzadder I had “worn” it for the program – meaning I owned it. The decision was made in late 2009 that I would hand over the reins in 2010. That sounded good, a little less running crazy all summer. In reality it was tough to give only solicited feedback and advice while watching someone else run it (very capably though differently) than I would have. I’m guessing that’s a lesson I’ll have to put into action again later in life.

2. That people have very strong opinions of how you should care for and raise your child(ren).

Whether it’s names, cloth v. disposable, bottle v. breast (feeding), or any other of a litany of important (though in some cases overblown) decisions you make as a prospective and new parent the one thing you can count on is that everyone you know who has had a kid, might someday want one, or has ever seen one on TV will have an opinion about the decision you should make. Not only that, they’ll be strong opinions in a lot of cases, to the point that it’s personally offensive if you don’t agree with them and make the choices they did or think you should. My advice: Listen to their perspective, learn what you can, then make the right decision for your child and your family. God made you and your spouse the parents of your child and with that comes the responsibility to make choices for how best to care for that child’s needs. Don’t delegate that responsibility and don’t apologize to others for the choices you make.

1. That getting older doesn’t always mean you can’t, but it may mean it’s going to hurt more

I’m 31, which isn’t that old, I get that. But I’m not 23 anymore, a fact I’m reminded of by the growing colony of gray hair staring at me in the mirror each morning. A jog through Oklahoma City in April reminded me that being several years older than the last time I tried it didn’t mean that I couldn’t still do it (though that day will come too) it really just meant I’d be a lot more sore the next day than the last time. The point here would be that in light of this truth I have to choose wisely when it is and is NOT worth it to prove that I still can.

Ten from 2010: Ally Spotts

I met our first contributor on the internet. Okay, that sounds weird. Let me back up. We originally came to know about each other through a blog post that I wrote last summer in response to Anne Rice’s public decision to quit Christianity. Soon after, Ally and I began a conversation that led to a friendship, which led to a conversation about raising girls over Mexican food, which eventually led to a business partnership. And they say internet relationships don’t work.

While I’ve only known her for five months, I have already come to appreciate Ally’s boldness, love for others, love for running and her insane ability to communicate truth through the written word. These reasons, and several others, make her a great contributor for this project. I think you’ll love what she has to say.

You can follow Ally on twitter at www.twitter.com/msspotts and read her reflections on 2010 below. - Eric

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I spent the majority of this year traveling around the United States with my friend Sharaya, living in a car and out of a suitcase, hammering away on my laptop writing about our experiences. Here were some of my most memorable lessons from the road.

10. I learned to see obstacles as opportunities.

Sharaya and I encountered several obstacles during our six-month adventure that could have derailed our journey – not the least of which included our car breaking down in Larmie, Wyoming. I doubt that many people would have blamed us if at that point if we had called it quits – cut our losses, sold the car, caught a plane home. But life is full of obstacles, and obstacles give us an opportunity to build resilience and our character. And the way we respond to obstacles is in direct correlation to the unfolding of our story.

9. I learned to ask and answer the question: what do you need?

I used to think that asking for things I needed made me seem weak, so I would just pretend like I never needed anything all. But, over and over again, as we were traveling, we were asked the question “What do you need?” and I was moved by what a powerful question it could be. Asking it – both of ourselves and of others – forced us to admit and articulate our needs; and as it turns out, admitting our needs doesn’t make us weak. It calls us into relationship with other people; which in turn makes us stronger than we could ever be on our own.

8. I learned that I don’t always want what I think I want.

I am really good at getting what I want. Usually. So when I don’t, I tend to throw temper tantrums – the grown up kind. But I am learning that I am rarely in control of what I get and what I don’t get, and as much as I think I know what I want, I worship a God who knows better. Sometimes God gives, and sometimes he takes away. I am learning to be equally grateful for both.

7. I learned that the world doesn’t revolve around me.

Psychologists say you’re supposed to learn this in adolescence, which means I’m a little behind, but at 27 I’ve officially learned that I am not the most important person in the world. The best part about it is, I’m so much happier knowing that my life isn’t all about me.

6. I learned that Mark and Donnie Wahlberg are brothers, and that the lead singer of the Eagles is Don Henley.

Lots and lots of time in the car and I was a sheltered child. Just getting caught up.

5. I learned that God is on the move.

I have a whole new understanding now for why Jesus tells the rich young ruler that, in order to be a disciple of Christ, he must sell everything he owns. It isn’t because Jesus hates stuff. I doubt Jesus has any strong feelings about our stuff – it’s just stuff. It’s because Jesus is on the move, and if we want to be a disciple of him, we have to be on the move too. Jesus asks us to give up our stuff (sometimes literally, sometimes figuratively) because he wants us to be mobile. If I am attached to something, I am not able to move.

4. I learned that less is more.

The ironic part about giving up stuff is that we’re actually happier without it. We don’t think we will be, but we are. See, if my heart is wrapped up in my things, then my mood is contingent on the state of those things. That means a flood or a fire or a burglar or a water ring on a brand new coffee table can steal my joy. Jesus reminds us that where our treasure is, there our heart will be also, knowing that if our hearts are with him, our joy cannot be touched. The less we have, the happier we are.

3. I learned that everyone wants to be happy.

It seems so simple, but here’s what it means for me. When someone does something that irritates me or makes me furious or hurts my feelings, I remind myself of this simple fact: they just want to be happy. It doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t express my hurt or frustration, or that their behavior wasn’t wrong or shouldn’t be confronted – it just means that their actions have nothing to do with me, and everything to do with them. And since I can identify (I kind of want to be happy too) it helps me to be graceful in my response.

2. I learned to make an 8oz bottle of shampoo last four months.

This lesson may have involved pilfering hotel shampoo and not washing my hair for days at a time, but an important lesson nonetheless. For those of you who don’t recognize this as an incredible accomplishment, count your blessing that you’ve never had this much hair.

1. I learned how to power across the finish line.

You only have to run one race to know that the last mile really sucks. You’re out of energy and out of resources and out of motivation. But you have to run a few races before you learn (or can remember) that the finish line never feels less exhilarating. A strong finish is always worth pressing through that last difficult stretch. In fact, when it hurts the worst, you can pretty much assume that you’re just about to the good stuff. Hang in there. Finish strong. The reward is coming.

Ten from 2010: Introduction

The first of the New Year is always a fascinating time to me. People take down Christmas trees and make resolutions about the coming year. We are always hopeful, always excited about the future. No one says, “This year, I’m going to gain twenty pounds” or “This year I am not getting into school.” If you looked at facebook statuses all last weekend you would have seen projections of how good the upcoming twelve months will be. As the lyrics in “Long December” go, we all hope that this year will be better than the last. We always look ahead with hope.

The problem, I think at least, is that we do too much looking ahead and not enough looking back. I guess it is because we are too anxious about what will (maybe) happen to reflect on what did (for real) happen. That’s a travesty. If you ask me, we can’t forget to look back because we are so busy looking ahead. Looking back is how we make the present make sense. Looking back is the only way we know that we’ve grown. Like they say, those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it. I don’t know who “they” are but I agree with “they”, ahem, I mean them.

With this in mind, I asked a few of my favorite people to write down what 2010 taught them. Are they experts in anything? Maybe on a good day. But they are real. They each think well and always ask the right questions. I value their opinion in my own life. Basically they are all smarter than me. So I figured that they would have something to say from their experiences over the last 365 days.

The prompt was simple, “Give me ten things you learned in 2010 and count them down.” That’s it. When the lessons started coming in this evening, I knew I picked the right group. Some lessons are the big, life-changing type. Some are insignificant. Some are both.

Here’s how it will go down. Each day for the next week, I’ll post a new list from a different contributor. Simple enough, right? I think so. Hopefully you’ll learn as much from my friends as I have.