Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Give A Tuck

There comes a time in every man’s life where he must choose to put aside the trinkets of youth and become a man. This occasion is different for everyone and the right of passage can be a difficult road to journey. For some, this passage is marked by a graduation, the birth of a child, or a minivan. Still others cross the bridge into manhood by getting married or buying a house.

Yet throughout the world, there is one constant characteristic to becoming a man. There is one way that you can determine the difference between a man and a boy. That difference is as easy to see as a belt. What is the mark of a mature man, you ask? Look no further than the tucked in t-shirt.

I don’t know where or when it started. I imagine it was after the young men returned home from World War II, married, moved to the suburbs, knocked up the little lady, who began popping out babies that will soon suck the life out of social security. In the midst of the fast changing world, these distinguished men began tucking in their t-shirts. Now, as we close in on the end of the first decade of the 21st century, the sociological implications are beyond compare.

You can’t go to a single little league game, Dad’s Day sorority event, or divorce recovery group without seeing men by the dozens wearing jean shorts with a 50/50 cotton blend tee shoved into the waistband. Some say it is classy. While others say that it helps them keep their belly from hanging out. Either way, I say that nothing says, “I wish that dog would stop digging up my yard” quite like a t-shirt firmly shoved into your pants.

In the end, I guess it helps men think that they are dressed up and therefore presentable to the world. When you are in college, it is perfectly acceptable behavior to roll out of bed, eat a piece of toast to fight off the hangover, and throw on a t-shirt and shorts. No one will even think twice about the rogue cloth at the end of your shirt swaying in the wind. Yet this is not the case for mature responsible men. How can you possibly provide for your family with a loose shirttail?

Therefore, I encourage you men not yet wise enough to embrace the tuck. Studies have shown that 68% of men who tuck their t-shirt into their shorts are more likely to live longer, make 24% more annually, and have a more fulfilling sex life. After all, I’m not just the president. I’m also a client.


michael defazio said...

I celebrate the way you see the world, my friend. I do have a question, though - where does this leave our beloved friends the front-tuckers? Not a boy, not yet a man?

Brent O'Connor said...

So what does the hat and sunglass you're wearing say? Do they say, "I love bass fishing?"

Jacob Epperson said...

I say we go back to the public circumcision and fighting with sticks at the age of 13 as a sign of entering that I'm in the club, of course.