Extreme Makeover: Home Edition Cancelled After Nine Seasons

Hollywood, CA – After nine years anchoring ABC’s reality television line-up, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition will air its final, and 200^th, episode this weekend. “It’s a somber day at the Disney Corporation,” said ABC president Paul Lee while sitting atop a large pile of money, made mostly by pushing Disney’s liberal agenda. “But business is business and the viewers have spoken. Americans aren’t interested in watching people help people on TV. It’s just boring. Single moms, tornado victims, blah, blah, blah. Americans want drunk girls from New Jersey. Extreme Makeover can’t compete with those other, more dramatic reality shows.” EMHE, which took viewers through the process of building dream homes for desperate families, made efforts to borrow programming ideas from more successful reality shows. Sadly, these attempts never caught on. “There was the time in season 4 when we hired a crew of bikini-clad women and made them sit in tanks full of live snakes.” EMHE host, Ty Pennington claimed. "But they were so jittery afterwards that they were unable to cut right angles." Pennington continued, “The problem with working with reality TV stars is that they actually believe that they are TV stars. Additionally, the problem with working with Michelle Duggar is that her uterus kept falling out on the worksite. That's not safe.” One can’t say that EMHE didn’t try to evolve. Other plans to increase viewership included nine bachelorettes living together, fighting to avoid backstabbing and gonorrhea, all while trying build a house and win the heart of one lucky man at the same time. “We even aired a special show in season 6 where we built a halfway house for former b-list celebrities.” Lee stated. Neither Flavor-Flav nor that other Baldwin brother could be reached for comment. All in all, former host Ty Pennington is maintaining a positive outlook. “I know whatever I do next, I want to help people.” When asked if he would consider doing something in scripted television, Pennington replied, “What’s that?”