The Devil's Thoughts on Chick Fil-a

In recent weeks, Chick Fil-a has been in the midst of public relations firestorm after president Dan Cathy voiced opposition to gay marriage. While the historically conservative fast food chain is bracing for backlash from the gay community and national media, conservatives are rallying in support of the Atlanta-based company. At the center of the hysteria, one has to wonder, “What does the Devil think about all this?” Luckily, I was able to catch up with the Prince of Darkness and ask him myself.

Musing Carnival: Thanks again for agreeing to meet with me. You mind if I record this?

The Devil: Don’t mind at all. But just an FYI, when you play it back, it’ll just sound like white noise.

MC: Noted.

D: Just don’t want you to be surprised.

MC: Are you doing well?

D: Can’t complain. Business is good. Hey, you mind if I smoke?

MC: Not at all.

D: [pulling out a lighter from his coat pocket] So what’s on your mind this time?

MC: I’d like to talk to you about the Chick Fil-a gay marriage debate.

D: I heard about that. What’s the deal again?

MC: Well, Dan Cathy, the president of Chick Fil-a, publically stated a few weeks ago that his company supported the traditional view of the family and opposed gay marriage.

D: [lighting his cigarette] And this guy’s a Christian right?

MC: Oh yeah. Big time.

D: And everyone knew this?

MC: Yes.

D: Hold on. Isn’t Chick Fil-a closed on Sundays?

MC: Yes. Drives a lot of people crazy, actually.

D: Don’t get me started on places being closed on Sundays. Everything is closed on Sundays in hell. Except for Subway. I’m so sick of Subway.

MC: Anyway, yes, Cathy believes closing on Sundays is the right thing to do.

D: Let me get this straight. Someone asked a Southern Baptist who, because of his religious beliefs, closes his restaurants on Sundays, about his views on gay marriage and then they got all worked up because he answered like they knew he would? That’s what this is about?

MC: Well, it’s actually been pretty divisive. The homosexual community is planning a series of protests later this week. A group in Chicago is organizing a “kiss in” at the downtown Chicago location.

D: Ugh. Now listen, I obviously don’t have anything against gay people. And I’m not one to judge. But I don’t need to watch a bunch of people kiss simultaneously. I mean seriously, get a room. Or rooms, I guess.

MC: Some Evangelicals are nervous about the fallout.

D: Well, you guys need to do something to even the score. Have you thought about boycotting KFC?

MC: That won’t solve anything.

D: Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’m just brainstorming here… but seriously, have you seen those Famous Bowls? It’s mashed potatoes, corn, chicken, and who knows what else. I should get my friends at Westboro Baptist to hold up “God Hates Waistlines” signs in a KFC parking lot. Talk about an abomination!

MC: Have you tried one?

D: Oh, no. Not with my cholesterol.

MC: Some Christians did try to boycott Starbucks when Howard Schultz said that the company was in favor of gay marriage.

D: [laughs] Riiiight… I knew that wouldn’t catch on. That’s what makes this boycotting thing so silly. At the end of the day, brand loyalty trumps a soapbox.

MC: That’s a little harsh.

D: No it isn’t. Believe me, if a report came out claiming that holding an iPhone up to your ear could potentially turn a person gay, the first thought on most Christians’ minds would be, “But what if I use the earbuds?” Stand up for the sanctity of marriage or play Draw Something? Sounds like a toss up.

MC: Maybe. But a lot of Christians are planning on eating at Chick Fil-a this week as a way to show their support.

D: Yes! This is what makes it so perfect for you guys! I’m sure most Evangelicals are like, “So all I have to do to voice my opinion is eat more fried chicken? Finally! A cause I can get behind!”

MC: Everyone wins.

D: You guys love activism when it earns you cool points along the way. Personally, I think Toms look ridiculous. And the arch support is terrible. But what do I know? I’ve had a handlebar mustache since the 1600’s but no one would ever call me a hipster.

MC: But you can’t argue with Chick Fil-a’s practices. They are a topnotch company, maybe the best in the fast food industry. They treat their employees well and do things the right way. All built on integrity and superb customer service.

D: I know. I love it. But I have to ask, why would a fast food restaurant need to have an official stance on this issue anyway?

MC: Because, for some reason or another, this has become the hot button issue of our time.

D: But why? Everyone has an opinion. Billy Graham recently went as far as to compare America to Sodom and Gomorrah.

MC: That’s true.

D: Believe me. I remember Sodom and Gomorrah. That place was crazy! You guys have Target. A country that has a Target off of every exit can’t be compared to Sodom and Gomorrah.

MC: Graham believes that the government is rebelling against God.

D: [laughs] Of course it is! That’s what governments do. I invented that trick. I just don’t use apples anymore. But really, when did you guys start caring so much about what the government thought anyway?

MC: Most Christians believe that we need to be the moral voice of America.

D: So this is the hill you die on? What about poverty? Or fatherlessness? Those seem to be wrecking the family unit pretty well too. Can I let you in on a little secret?

MC: Yes.

D: I’m off destroying families one at a time while Christians are all bent out of shape because there is a gay kid on Glee. What in the name of Neil Patrick Harris is wrong with you guys?

MC: This is a big deal because most Christians believe that the Bible commands that marriage should only be between a man and a woman.

D: Yeah, I know. I’ve read the Bible. Gets really weird at the end.

MC: And if we are really a Christian nation…

D: [interjects] … But you’re not a Christian nation! Your country was founded on the idea that people could make up their own minds about what to believe.

MC: True.

D: And, to further prove my point, your Constitution grants equality for all people. Doesn’t that include gay people?

MC: It does. But speaking of the Constitution, it’s pretty unconstitutional for local leaders to block Chick Fil-a from opening stores in Chicago and Boston. Seems to be in direct violation of the First Amendment. Thoughts?

D: [shrugs] I’m more of a “right to bear arms” guy, myself.

MC: C’mon. I’m not letting you off the hook on this one. Do you agree with me that preventing Chick Fil-a stores from opening is too far?

D: Yes. But the entire thing is too far. It’s downright comical. Look, I’ll put it this way. I personally love what Dan Cathy said.

MC: You do?

D: Do you see how ironic this whole thing is? Jesus, who I’ll admit, I don’t get at all, ate with whores. And not just the pretty ones either! And you’ve got a guy practically telling gay people that they aren’t welcome to come in and purchase his product and widening the gap between Christians and homosexuals. Dude! Just sell chicken.

MC: In fairness, Cathy does have a right to believe whatever he wants.

D: Absolutely. Which, on the other hand, is what drives me crazy about gay people. I just want to tell them, be as gay as you want to be! But it’s like tolerance isn’t enough for them. Face it. People are going to disagree with you. Everyone has that right.

MC: I think there are some Christians trying to build bridges and encouraging open dialogue.

D: Which is why I love this whole ordeal. It’s bad PR for you Christians, really. You guys have your own music. Now you have your own fast food. Keep building that bubble, guys. My goal is to get the two sides to stop talking.

MC: I’m sure most Christians are a little embarrassed by some of the Christian music out there.

D: Really? Why? Honest to goodness, “Place in this World” gets me every time.

MC: That might surprise a few people.

D: Man, I hate that stereotype. Honestly, most “devil worship” music is too hardcore for me. I can’t even understand what they are saying half the time. But give me some Kenny Chesney and I’m set.

MC: Well, I appreciate your thoughts. Anything you’re working on that you’d like to tell us about?

D: Other than keeping Obama’s Nigerian birth certificate under wraps?

MC: Yes. Other than that.

D: In that case, no. Nothing new. Still trying to get every female between the ages of 15 and 25 to use the word, “presh” a thousand times a day.

MC: You coined that?

D: Totes! That word is straight from the depths of hell.

MC: That explains a lot actually.

D: And here’s a new one. If something is so cute that it makes you sad, call it “depreshing.” Make sense?

MC: I think we’re done here.

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition Cancelled After Nine Seasons

Hollywood, CA – After nine years anchoring ABC’s reality television line-up, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition will air its final, and 200^th, episode this weekend. “It’s a somber day at the Disney Corporation,” said ABC president Paul Lee while sitting atop a large pile of money, made mostly by pushing Disney’s liberal agenda. “But business is business and the viewers have spoken. Americans aren’t interested in watching people help people on TV. It’s just boring. Single moms, tornado victims, blah, blah, blah. Americans want drunk girls from New Jersey. Extreme Makeover can’t compete with those other, more dramatic reality shows.” EMHE, which took viewers through the process of building dream homes for desperate families, made efforts to borrow programming ideas from more successful reality shows. Sadly, these attempts never caught on. “There was the time in season 4 when we hired a crew of bikini-clad women and made them sit in tanks full of live snakes.” EMHE host, Ty Pennington claimed. "But they were so jittery afterwards that they were unable to cut right angles." Pennington continued, “The problem with working with reality TV stars is that they actually believe that they are TV stars. Additionally, the problem with working with Michelle Duggar is that her uterus kept falling out on the worksite. That's not safe.” One can’t say that EMHE didn’t try to evolve. Other plans to increase viewership included nine bachelorettes living together, fighting to avoid backstabbing and gonorrhea, all while trying build a house and win the heart of one lucky man at the same time. “We even aired a special show in season 6 where we built a halfway house for former b-list celebrities.” Lee stated. Neither Flavor-Flav nor that other Baldwin brother could be reached for comment. All in all, former host Ty Pennington is maintaining a positive outlook. “I know whatever I do next, I want to help people.” When asked if he would consider doing something in scripted television, Pennington replied, “What’s that?”

A letter to my friend Chad about Two and a Half Men

Chad –

Brominator! Hey, are you excited about the new season of Two and a Half Men? It starts in just a few days!!!!! Time to rearrange my Monday nights again!!! LOL! Nine seasons and it is still going strong! I bet shows like Arrested Development and that one Arron Sorkin show about a show (real original) wish they could have been half the show Two and a Half Men is. They just didn’t have what it takes. They just couldn’t handle the truth. Ha! That’s funny because Aaron Sorkin wrote A Few Good Men… which is crap. Who wants a few good men when you can have two and a half great men? Answer? Not me.

Alright Bro Diddley, shoot straight with me. What do you think about Ashton Kutcher stepping in? Answer? It’ll be totally amazing. I hear they are going to do some hilarious crap with his character. And why wouldn’t they?!? It’s got to be such a blessing for the writers to have a trained thespian with the range that AK has. I mean, like five years ago, he made trucker hats popular! Talk about ironic. Young, white, urban males wearing hats typically reserved for rural truck drivers. Ha! If he can do that, stepping into a well-oiled machine like Two and a Half Men is like Leonardo Da Vinci playing on the 1996 Chicago Bulls. It would just make a great thing greater! Wait. Back to my metaphor. You might be wondering how a dead artist could really help the greatest team in NBA history? Answer? Because Bill Wennington sucked.

Annnnd… the KutchMan knows sitcoms like the back of his neck. Do you remember That 70’s Show? You do? Well, do you remember the short-lived That 80’s Show? It ran like, 13 episodes in 2002. The people at FOX thought it would be a sure hit since people really liked That 70’s Show. But guess what? People didn’t like it at all. Most of them claimed, “You just can’t change one number in the title and expect us to watch it… blah, blah, blah.” But I bet you the creators of That 70’s Show were all like, “we can’t hear you because we’re too busy making television gold.” (Haters gonna hate)

But seriously, those people need to pull their head out of the ground. Do you know why That 80’s Show was an absolute disaster but That 70’s Show became the most important program of our generation? Look no further than the guy who gave us Punk’d and Dude, Where’s My Car? and A Lot Like Love. Ashton Kutcher was the reason! Take that to the bank. He was also in Butterfly Effect but I think I must have missed something because I have no idea what-the-balls that movie was about. Not one single butterfly in the whole movie. Just that big guy from My Name is Earl. Depressing.

Yeah Bro-ceratops, I can’t wait to see what AK will do on Monday night. I bet he’s going to say some real snarky stuff! Ashton will probably be cutting jokes like he cuts up Demi Moore’s food. That’s funny because she is old and probably has dentures! Gum disease! Ha! Okay… enough fooling around. Ashton Kutcher is the secret sauce that will keep this show tasting great. And once you get a taste of Two and a Half Men on your tongue, you’ll never want bland television again. There’s going to be all sorts of new material! I'll bet you $5 that AK will really put Alan in some new situations when he moves into Charlie’s place! Should be a riot!

It's been such a wild ride watching the show evolve over the years... and the changes have just begun! Buckle up, huh? I mean, when the show started, Jake really was just half a man, but now he's practically a full-grown man. I bet co-creator/executive producer Chuck Lorre never thought about that! But hey, what a good problem to have! Unlike SARS, which is an example of a bad problem to have.

So yeah, the timing just seems right, with AK and all. It was time for Charlie’s character to go anyway. It is probably better for all of us that he went crazy when he did. Good for everyone except those two models he lives with. It’s pretty much all bad news for those girls.

I know you always say that it’ll never be better than season 2-4 and you may be right. Remember the episode when the guys went to Evelyn’s ex-husband’s funeral? Season 2, episode 21… I think. Man, that was pure gold. Pure. Gold. Oh, and the season 3 premiere, “Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts” should have earned them the Emmy right then and there! Gosh, I wish it could be 2005 again!

You know who else wishes it was still 2005? Howie Day. Whatever happened to that guy? Seriously, “Collide” is a great song. But I bet even his mom asks sometimes, “Who sang that one collide song? Was that Gavin DeGraw?” And then Howie is like, “That was me, Mom.” Also, remember that band, Bowling for Soup? Who would have thought they would be a one hit wonder?

In conclusion Bro Montana, I’m hopeful for the future of Two and a Half Men. They haven’t let us down yet, that’s for dang-sure. You don’t get to be the most watched comedy on television by mistake. Are you taking notes 30 Rock? And if loving shows about sex-crazed hedonists and kids who say witty things that kids would never say in real life is wrong, then I am all kinds of wrong.

N-E-Hoo, I’ll call you right before the show starts on September 19^th. That way, we can watch the show together. Like old times. But you have to talk. I’m not just going to call and listen to heavy breathing for 30 minutes. I haven’t done that since I was in the Navy.

Your friend,

Eric

Facebook in the Classroom

Student/teacher boundaries used to be easy to spot. Students showed up to school each day to find a building full of adults prepared to teach algebra and history. Teachers were personable, even likable, but it’s not like they were real people. They were teachers. Enigmas. No first names required. On rare occasions, I remember seeing a teacher at the mall or grocery store. It didn’t get any weirder than that.

Then came Facebook.

Social networking has reduced the gap between the professional and private worlds. We all know too much information about the intimate lives of friends and authority figures that once fought hard to keep their social life and career separate. It’s no longer weird for students to see teachers outside of the classroom because they see their teachers’ entire lives played out online.

Thanks to the internet, you can now see proof that Ms. McPherson did in fact do body shots at TGI Friday’s in celebration of her 50^th birthday. I'm not sure how she got up on the bar with her bad hip. I'm just impressed she didn't spill a drop on her autumn-themed sweater vest.

In light of this revealing shift, last month, Missouri legislators passed a bill that forbids teachers from reaching out to students on social media sites. The law leaves a lot up to interpretation but prevents teachers from having “exclusive access” to students. Any existing online connections must be deleted by the time the semester begins. Meaning, teachers and students can’t accept each other’s friend requests, exchange messages or play Farmville. Whatever the h-bomb that is.

Yes, teacher/student interaction is a slippery slope. A study conducted by the Associated Press revealed that nearly 100 teachers in Missouri lost their licenses between 2001 and 2005 in light of sexual misconduct. Some of these incidents involved private online messages to students.

The problem is that this is another example of a group being punished for the conduct of a few. Like the buffalo were in the 1800’s. Sure, settlers nearly wiped them out. A lot of innocent buffalo died during the westward expansion. But the truth is, some buffalo were huge a-holes. Real jerks. And they got what was coming. The rest were just collateral damage.

But teachers aren't buffaloes. And while some educators have abused Facebook, most utilize it for good. Many teachers in Joplin, the city I live in, credit Facebook as the way they located students after the May 22^nd tornado. And, perhaps more importantly, since social media is not going away, avoidance isn’t the solution. Accountability is.

Instead of pulling the plug, administrators should encourage teachers to set up “professional accounts” that are separate from their private lives. Make this mandatory. Don’t run from it. Instead, teachers should be given resources to turn Facebook into a tool and equipped to be able to spot the signs of abuse. With a little effort, we can keep students safe and make sure seeing a teacher in public stays weird.

But we all know why Ms. McPherson always smells like cough syrup.

TOMS Announces New "One Shoe = One Flesh" Initiative

This post is a parody. So, don’t get too worked up. However, the inspiration for this fake news story is rooted in a very interesting event. You should start here. Then, read on.

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COLORADO SPRINGS – Five minutes on a typical college campus will tell you that the only thing culturally sensitive college students like more than fair trade coffee are TOMS shoes. These simple, canvas slippers have exploded onto the fashion scene over the past several years, primarily under a marketing strategy cleverly disguised as charity. The premise is simple, consumers buy one pair of TOMS shoes and the company gives a pair to a child in an underdeveloped part of the world. White people in the United States fit into the hipster scene. Black kids in Africa don’t get fungal infections. This is what experts call a “win/win.”

This type of hip-goodwill has made TOMS a hit with evangelicals. A partnership between TOMS and Focus on the Family, the unofficial leader of the rightwing Christian movement, was rumored to be in the works. However, after a recent speaking engagement at the Focus on the Family headquarters by TOMS founder Blake Mycoskie, the shoe company seems to be trying to distance itself from the Colorado Springs based organization.

In a recent statement, the TOMS founder stated, “I honestly had no idea that a conservative organization that has publically backed Republican candidates for years, one with the word ‘family’ in the title, would oppose homosexual marriage. Had I known that Focus on the Family put so much focus on the family, I would have never accepted that speaking engagement.” Mycoskie continued, “I am deeply saddened that I even walked into that dirty, hateful building and instead of encouraging thoughtful dialog between two parties that disagree over an important issue, I will instead just paint ‘James Dobson sucks’ on a water tower. That, of course, is what grownups do.”

Mycoskie later revealed that steps are in place to further distance TOMS from Focus on the Family with the brand new “One Shoe = One Flesh” initiative. “[We] have nearly reached our goal of flooding every fragile market in the world with TOMS shoes and once every last native shoe salesman in Ghana has been put out of business,” Mycoskie shouted from atop a water tower outside of Colorado Springs, “it will be time for the next chapter in TOMS Shoes!”

Beginning in 2012, Mycoskie announced, TOMS Shoes will no longer provide shoes for the Third-World. Instead, every time someone buys a pair of TOMS shoes, a gay couple will automatically get married. “We’re happy to continue the TOMS tradition of giving through this new program,” Mycoskie confessed. “I think our customers will love knowing that just by buying a pair of shoes, they will be bringing two homosexuals together in holy matrimony. It’s really beautiful. And, really anti-Focus on the Family, which is the main point.”

The company, which is a for-profit charity, is still very hush-hush about the new initiative. However, Mycoskie did reveal the gist of the plan. “Basically, the moment a customer slips on a new pair of TOMS, a gay couple somewhere in the world will instantly be married. Full rights and benefits. Legally married. Boom! Just like that!” Mycoskie sat in a large wingback chair, gently stroking a cat that purred comfortably in his lap as he spoke, “We’re also trying to figure out a way to throw an adopted baby into the marriage, you know, just to piss Focus on the Family off even more. [There are] lots of possibilities, we’ll just have to wait and see.”

While the shoe company admits there are still some logistics to work out, specifically, whether or not it is possible that a shoe purchase could cause two straight dudes to get married by mistake, TOMS is excited about the future. “The sky’s the limit, really.” Mycoskie said while stabbing a doll that resembled James Dobson, “This will teach Focus on the Family not to trick trendsetting entrepreneurs.” At press time, Mycoskie was trying to determine whether or not Bert and Ernie, who are viewed by many as the unofficial TOMS spokespuppets, have feet.

Four Ways to Spend July 4th

Happy birthday, America! From sea to shining sea today, millions of Americans will be celebrating our independence by grilling assorted meats, swimming and spending hundreds of dollars so that they can potentially light the neighbor’s house on fire with a rogue Roman Candle. It’s a great holiday and one that needs to be seized with great enthusiasm and joy.

But July 4^th comes only once a year so we all need to make it count! How you ask? Well, I give you four must-dos for your Fourth of July celebration. Warning: this list is not exhaustive, should not be lit indoors and should not be read less than 45 minutes after eating. You might get a cramp.

Thank a soldier. This seems like a good place to start, and I have already seen so many well-wishes on facebook today. I have a few soldiers in my family and have the opportunity to see their struggles on a regular basis. They move frequently, watch their kids grow up via skype and put their lives on the line daily for a cause they believe in. It’s an honorable way of life and whether you agree with every war we wage or not, you owe a lot to the men and women in uniform.

If you are traveling through an airport today and see a soldier in uniform, walk up and shake his hand. If your cousin is currently overseas, send a sincere facebook message, or better yet, a box of cookies. Make it personal. Make it authentic. I’ll probably never understand the sacrifice they endure. But that doesn’t mean I don’t understand how much it means to the rest of us.

Think globally. What? A little strange, I know. July 4^th is supposed to be about wearing American flag t-shirts and openly hating soccer! It’s the only day of the entire year we can freely say to the rest of the world, “USA! USA! USA!” and not feel bad about it! Right? Right? Well, maybe not.

You see, I can’t help but think of my American friends in Asia, some with young kids who have never stepped foot on American soil, who are living out an oddly-normal July 4^th today. The reason? They simply caught the vision that, while it is a nice place to live, America is not the center of the universe. Life actually goes on beyond the purple mountain majesties.

My point? Chill out on how we treat those who are figuring out a new life in this country. Your way of life is comfortable but that doesn’t make it imperative. Recognize the complexities of the world we live in and next time you interact with someone who is new to this country, someone who’s story is more tangled than you can imagine, don’t bitch about the fact that his English is poor. July 4^th celebrates the very thing he is working hard to achieve. Remember the poem written by Emma Lazarus? The one you learned in middle school civics class? It’s etched inside the Statue of Liberty and reminds us that America began as a country by offering freedom to the, “tired… poor… huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” I tend to believe all that stuff is still true about this country. The only difference between you and the guy you can't understand is that your ancestors did the hard work for you. So, no, he doesn’t have to learn English if he wants to live here. Get over it.

Do something Fourth of July-ish. I’m a sucker for traditions. July 4^th is more than a national holiday, it is the apex of everything summer. Dive head first into the celebration today. Fire up the grill. Spit watermelon seeds. Play lawn games. Go to a baseball game. Stay in the pool until your fingertips get wrinkly. Light an entire pack of Blackcats at once. Spell your name with a sparkler. Watch a Will Smith movie. Drink cheap, American-made light beer. And through all of these nostalgia-rich activities, give thanks that we live in a place that celebrates hotdog eating contests and democracy at the same time.

Lobby for freedom. Even as I celebrate the luxuries I’ve come to take for granted, I can’t help but be reminded of those around the world who will not be playing with smoke bombs today. They live in a harsh reality that is suffocated by actual bombs and the ever-present tension of war. The very principles that our country was founded upon are absent in their world.

This isn’t a ploy to make you feel bad about celebrating today. In fact, it is anything but a guilt trip. But you’re not off the hook completely. I ask that you take a moment today and be a voice for freedom around the world, specifically religious freedom. While we wave little American flags as Shriners drive by in little cars in little town parades across the country today, many Christians around the world will face severe persecution because of their beliefs. But you can help.

A new bill (HR 1856) has been recently introduced in Congress that will go a long way in ensuring that governments that oppose religious freedom will be held accountable. Essentially, this bill will reauthorize the US Commission on International Religious Freedom, which monitors religious freedom issues around the world. The bill was originally passed over ten years ago and reshaped the way American foreign policy dealt with religious freedom issues. It is imperative that it is renewed before it expires this fall.

Please take a minute today and send your representative a message and encourage him/her to support HR 1856 when it comes to vote. This is your duty as an American. There is no better way to celebrate freedom today than helping spread freedom to places where hope runs dry.

That should be more than enough to get you started today. July 4^th is a big holiday. Make it count. Celebrate freedom by doing something bigger. I can’t think of anything our founding fathers would have wanted more.

Other than a cure for syphilis, of course.

Justice, Grace and Bow Ties

Last Thursday evening, I had the privilege of attending a benefit dinner in Washington, DC hosted by a fantastic group of religious freedom advocates. Just your typical Thursday evening in Georgetown, right? Hardly. Black bow tie and tuxedo aside, I knew when my table card placed me between a respected Arizona congressman and a foreign religious leader, this was an occasion to put my best foot forward.

Simple enough, I thought as I went through the normal protocol in my mind. Be on your best behavior. Don’t spill wine on your shirt. Know the difference between a salad fork and dinner fork (salad fork is shorter). Stick to safe, appropriate dinner conversation. Don’t bring up religion or politics. That is unless, of course, the dinner is ABOUT religion and politics. Then you are stuck.

But I guess I should back up a little and explain why I was in this situation to begin with. Over the past 10 months, I have worked with a team of people on a documentary about the global church, specifically those Christians who have faced severe persecution because of their faith. These experiences, and a few new partnerships along the way, landed me a seat at table number five last week. It is no small coincidence that the official film trailer was released online while I was in an airport. With the amount of travel we have all done recently, nothing could be more poetic.

My journey during this project has caused me to rethink how followers of Jesus should interact in the political realm. First off, I believe we are always called to prayer and should give financially to those in need when appropriate. Those things should always be part of the church’s trademark presence in the world. But I now also believe that we are called to be advocates and voices for the voiceless. And that includes being political.

Don’t talk about religion or politics? Hardly. Especially here. Certainly now. Flashback to the dinner. The organization was honoring an author named Eric Metaxas, who recently wrote a thick – and compelling – biography on Dietrich Bonhoeffer. As a German pastor living during World War II, Bonhoeffer was extremely outspoken against Hitler’s plot against the Jews. He would be sent to a concentration camp, and eventually killed, when the Nazis discovered he had been aiding Jewish refugees.

As Metaxas explained last week, Bonhoeffer was abnormally aggressive against evil. For him, there came a time that idly opposing a philosophy wasn’t good enough. His story tells us that sometimes Christians must point out the missteps of those in power. I’m personally not one who claims the church’s goal is to create a Christian state. However, I am convinced that a faithful presence (to borrow the phrase from James D. Hunter) requires action.

Though an extreme example, Bonhoeffer reminds us that Christians cannot be silent in the public arena. Not just for the sake of legislative morality, which I suppose there is a time for, but more importantly, we must speak on behalf of those who have been silenced.

When the state is off track, or ignores evil, the church must demand justice for the sex-trafficked woman and the tenured professor, fired because she holds an intelligent design perspective. We must take in the homosexual teenager, abandoned by his family. And as we discussed over dinner last week, we must be a voice for the Christian minorities in the Middle East. We may not live in Nazi Germany, but that doesn’t mean we are off the hook.

Take the Coptic Christians in Egypt for example. The media has covered the events leading to the revolution in this ancient country for months. However, we aren’t hearing that militant groups are trying to exterminate the Christians in the country. To name names, an extremist Islamic group, known as Salafists, is set on establishing an Islamic state, free of Christians. The Supreme Council of Armed Forces has turned a blind eye to these events. Those of us in the West who have a voice (and care) must act.

This isn’t the first time God’s people have been in danger in Egypt. Once again, mothers hide their children against this timeless desert backdrop. But there is hope. You don’t need a burning bush to tell you that God still remembers his promises. I believe that he still rescues captives in Egypt. But who will ask the new Egyptian rulers to let God’s people go?

Yet it doesn't stop there.

I recognize the call to promote justice is nothing new. You’re not surprised, are you? Social justice is somewhat of a buzz-phrase among Christian circles today. But all too often, we have robbed justice of its functionality. It is either too abstract, we tell people to be advocates of justice but don’t equip them to do so, or it is reduced to clicking “like” on a profile page. We can do better. We have to do better. I hate to break it to you but it’s hard to start a revolution while playing Farmville.

What we need is a clear picture of how normal people can promote justice. I’m not so sure I’m the guy for the job and doubt I have the credentials. All I’m trying to do is start the conversation. We need to know what justice looks like, played out practically, in real life. Which leads me to another coincidence.

I read Tim Keller’s Generous Justice on the plane to DC. Keller does a great job at connecting justice to grace. Essentially, he states that the depth of your understanding of grace determines your ability to participate in justice. It’s a lot easier to help the (physically) broken if you have a sense of (spiritual) desperation.

Additionally, Keller reminded me that justice is not just a thing we do. It’s not an event. Nothing changes by adding justice to your list of interests in between woodworking and listening to Ke$ha (two hobbies that are obviously inseparable). And shame on me if it is just a blogging topic. The internet doesn’t need one more blogging philosopher.

Justice is a way of life. Should we write letters to our senators? Of course. But never in place of everyday action. Routine justice is reflected in the way you treat the scruffy veteran under the overpass, the single mom at the pharmacy and the disabled woman paying with food stamps at the grocery store. Not because we’re better but because we are also broken. When grace overflows from within, we discover that there isn’t a time or place that we shouldn’t proclaim God’s desire for wrongs to be corrected.

Which means it’s more than okay to talk religion and politics over dinner.

Just don’t eat your salad with the wrong fork.